We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
