Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
