I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
