Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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