Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
