she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
