I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
