My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
