the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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