You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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