He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
