Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
