You really coming over, don't trick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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