Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
