I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
