its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
