If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
