Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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