i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
