we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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