listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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