So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
