My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
