i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
