walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
