Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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