no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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