I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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