i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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