I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
