i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
