5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
