Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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