Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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