and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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