I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
