I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
