Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
