kristin has been a bad kristin
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
