He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
