You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
