Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
