So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
