every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
