community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
