a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
