hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
