i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
