Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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