first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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