Whatcha textin bout Willis?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
