P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
