I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
