i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he fucked my hip out of place.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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