the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
