A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
